


Away From the Sun

by frostmrajick



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 3 Doors Down, Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Dark, F/M, M/M, songfics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 07:48:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2420807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostmrajick/pseuds/frostmrajick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How they got there. And where they went after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sarah Yellin'

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a couple things.  
> One, I was wondering about the journey to the Croatoan Endverse, and, well, my mind filled in this.  
> Two, I read a few songfics, where you wrote only for the length of the song, and thought it sounded like an interesting challenge.  
> Put this together, and I basically told my own Endverse story in Three Doors Down songs.

_"This time it’s over. I’m gonna make it end."_ \--Sarah Yellin'

Dean heard the footsteps stop behind him. He knew who it was before he even turned, before the other man even spoke.  
“Dean,” Castiel said, sounding shocked. “What are you doing?”  
Dean didn’t turn, looking at the angel before him. Strung up on the abandoned church’s cross, sigils around him to trap him there. The angelic sword in Dean’s hands, blood leaking from various wounds scratched into the angel’s vessel’s skin. “He hurt us,” Dean said calmly, matter-of-factly. “He hurt you, saying that Lucifer raised you. He helped with the Apocalypse. The angels—all of them deserve to hurt.” He raised the sword and sliced across the vessel’s stomach, blood oozing from the wound and a moan escaping the angel. “They deserve to die.”  
A hand on his shoulder. He turned.  
“You can’t kill them,” Castiel said, looking at the angel before them. “Only an angel can kill another angel.” His gaze shifted, looking at Dean.  
Dean lifted his head in understanding. He handed the sword to Castiel. He watched, thrilled at the thought of the archangel getting what he deserved. His breath caught with pleasure as he watched Castiel raise the sword—and plunge it into the angel’s chest. The angel gasped, and his eyes whitened as white light spilled out. Then they closed, the vessel empty, black wings unfurled on the wall behind him.  
Dean stepped forward and took Castiel’s hand in his. “Yes,” he said.


	2. Dangerous Game

_"What will we do? What will we say?  
When it’s the end of this game that we play?  
Will we crumble into the dust my friend?  
Or will we start this game over again?_\--Dangerous Game

When will it end?  
That’s what Castiel was beginning to wonder. He’d thought that it would be just the one, just Zachariah. He could even understand that. Zachariah had caused them all so much pain. He had been the one behind the whole “jumpstart the Apocalypse” plan.  
But now—  
“Just one more,” Dean murmured against his neck.  
Castiel didn’t say anything. He didn’t react to Dean’s words or gestures. He just looked at his brother, beaten and breathing heavily as he looked up at Castiel with hate in his eyes from his place in the ring of holy oil.  
“He hurt you,” Dean prodded. “Remember? He came after us. He wanted to kill you.”  
“Just one more,” Castiel said finally.  
Dean smiled and stepped back as Castiel extended his sword and stepped forward.  
Another angel gone. It was the second Castiel had killed himself.  
But it was not the last.


	3. Give It to Me

_"One more wrong don’t make a right  
I don’t wanna fight no more_ \--Give It to Me

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” Cas said.  
Dean turned to look at him. “What do you mean?” he asked, voice emotionless.  
“Killing angels. They’re my brothers, Dean. I…I can’t do it anymore.”  
Dean stood and moved to his side. He pressed his body against Cas, breathing against his neck. “Your brothers,” he said softly. “Hardly. They’re dicks, Cas. Even you see that. They started the goddamn Apocalypse. They deserve to die. Don’t you think?”  
Cas shook his head uncertainly. “I—Maybe not die.”  
“The Apocalypse, Cas. How many people have died because of them? How many people have suffered?” His hand on Cas’s shoulder tightened. “They hurt you. They took my brother away. You’re right, they don’t deserve to die. They deserve worse.” He bit Castiel’s ear, and Castiel winced at the nip, too painful to be just playful. He pulled back, looking at Cas seriously, almost dangerously. “They need to be punished,” Dean said in a voice that allowed no room for argument. “Help me to punish them.”  
Castiel nodded, helpless. This was the man he loved, and he had been hurt. He was right, the angels had destroyed the world. Perhaps they did deserve to be punished. And even if they didn’t, Cas would do anything to bring back the man Dean used to be. If he had to lose himself in the process, so be it.  
Dean smiled and pressed his lips hard against Castiel’s. “That’s my boy,” he breathed. He dragged Cas to the bed and fucked him. Cas was getting good at biting the screams down. Or maybe Dean was just getting good at ignoring them.


	4. It's Not Me

_"Look what you did  
Is this who you wanted me to be  
It’s not me"_ \--It's Not Me

“I’m leaving,” Cas said.  
Dean looked up. “What?” he asked, frowning in confusion.  
Cas looked away briefly, then looked back at Dean. He wouldn’t back down now. He wouldn’t. “I’m leaving,” he repeated. “The angels are gone. The ones we haven’t killed aren’t showing their faces anymore. Heaven has left. My powers are gone. And I’m done.”  
Dean stood, shaking his head. “You can’t go,” he said, and for the first time in a long time, for the first time since his brother had said yes to Lucifer and left him, Cas heard emotion in the other man’s voice. For a moment, he wavered.  
Then his resolve returned. The man before him was no longer the man he loved. That man had died months ago, in Detroit. And he had taken a piece of Cas with him.  
“I can’t do it anymore, Dean,” he said. “You’re dead inside, and you’re killing me. What we’ve done…Dean would never have allowed it. I’m sorry. Good-bye.” He turned and began to walk quickly away. He didn’t look back. If he looked back, he might stop, and he couldn’t take that risk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's actually a really nice music video to this song on youtube. I did not create it, but it follows my line of thought pretty well. Check it out! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rerfckfSQ-s


	5. She Don't Want the World

_"The open wound she hides  
She just keeps it bundled up  
And never lets it show  
She can’t take much more of this  
But she can’t let it go  
That’s ok she don’t want the world"_ \--She Don't Want the World

All Dean had ever wanted was to not be alone. And now he was completely alone. His brother had left him, had given into the Devil himself. And if that hadn’t completely killed him, now Cas had left him. Both of them, he’d always thought he’d always have both of them. Cas—Castiel, his angel. His lover. How could he leave him?  
I’ve spent my whole life helping people, he thought. Saving people. Hunting things. I lost my mom. I lost my dad. I went to Hell. But that was okay, because I still had Cas and Sam.  
And this was why he couldn’t believe in God. Because after all that, he should be able to have just one thing. But no, he couldn’t even have that.  
Dean let out a scream as the last little bit of him died inside.  
In the end, all Cas wanted was Dean. He had lost his home, his brothers. He had given up himself. But as long as he had Dean, it was okay. Everything else could be lost, as long as he still had him. But Dean was gone, and so Cas had left, and the last little bit of him died inside.


	6. Here Without You

_"A hundred days have made me older  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face"_ \--Here Without You

Castiel never wanted to wake up. In his dreams, he was still an angel, still connected to his brothers. God was real, he knew God was real. He was with Dean, and Dean was Dean. In his dreams, he had no doubts, not about himself or God or Dean.  
The bad thing about good dreams was that eventually they had to end, and when he woke up from them, the reality hurt all the more.  
He wondered if he’d ever stop dreaming about Dean, if he’d ever stop thinking about him and hurting for him and being hurt by him. He wondered if he’d even know it if he did stop hurting, it filled him so much now. Sometimes he couldn’t remember what it was like to not hurt. Maybe he would just stop existing if it went away.  
But sometimes he didn’t want to stop hurting. Because, as much as it hurt, if the hurt stopped, it would mean that he no longer loved Dean. If he stopped loving Dean, what would happen to them?


	7. Down Poison

_"Welcome to my world she says, do you feel alive she said...  
Down poison."_ \--Down Poison

His wings clipped, Sarah showed him how to fly again. “Angel,” she murmured, “let me show you how to fly.” And she fed him the pills.  
She lay him on the bed as his head began to spin. She laid kisses on him, lips soft, hands gentle, so different from Dean’s, so different, so wonderful. Everything was wonderful. The pills filled up the hole that had been cut into him when Dean first really fucked him, that had grown wider with every angel killed, every rough night, that had torn him apart when he left.  
I gave everything to you, he thought as Sarah fell on top of him. I gave everything. For nothing. I lost everything. For nothing.  
He closed his eyes and felt the girl—he couldn’t remember her name anymore—on him, the drugs inside him. Once again, he could fly, and he didn’t want to ever come back to earth.

She gives him a present as he leaves. He looks at her in puzzlement, then opens the bag. He remembers her pulling the candies out after a wild night, proclaiming that sex made her crave chocolate. He also remembers that she hides them because she loves them, because they are a rarity and a treasure.  
She shrugs at his look, and grins sheepishly, the first time he has ever seen her look…shy, innocent. For a moment, he catches a glimpse of who she was before the apocalypse, before her apocalypse.  
“The only thing in the world better than drugs,” she says simply.  
He tries to return it, knowing how much this must be worth, both sentimentally and monetarily, but she shakes her head. “Enjoy it,” he tells her, “or at least sell it, start a new life.”  
She looks up at him through long lashes. “No,” she says. She doesn’t explain, it’s not in her nature to speak when there is nothing to say.  
He understands. It is a gift. It is a gesture of love.  
He leans forward, touches a hand to her cheek, and lightly kisses her forehead. Just that, nothing sexual to it, a small and tender gesture of friendship and caring.  
She smiles. “Kisses,” she giggles slightly, and he laughs as well. Kisses for kisses—or not, as that is one of the few she will not eat.  
She looks up at him another moment, then nods once and takes a step back, eyes shifting downward sadly. “Fly, Angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one went longer than the song. I just felt like it needed more.


	8. Right Where I Belong

_"On a roller coaster ride it feels like I’m lying next to a ghost at night  
I don’t know why I gave you my heart cuz sometimes it feels so wrong  
But in spite of all this weather I know why we are together  
And I swear right now I’m right where I belong." _ \--Right Where I Belong

Cas came back. Despite everything he had gone through, all the pain he had felt, around Dean, he knew that he needed to be there. He needed Dean, even as he was, and Dean needed him. Especially as he was.  
He felt even more sure of this when he returned. He saw the scars on Dean’s arms, the way he continued to drink even on a hunt. He was a ticking time bomb with a wire that was rapidly growing shorter.  
Another month gone and Cas was sure there would have been only a body to come back to.  
“Cas,” Dean said when he saw him.  
Cas nodded. “I’m back,” he said, not knowing what else to say.  
And Dean stepped forward and hugged him and, for just a minute, Cas felt something like hope burning within him again.


	9. Your Arms Feel Like Home

_"There’s so many things  
This weary soul can’t take  
Maybe you just caught me by surprise  
The first time that I looked into your eyes  
There’s a life inside of me that I can feel again"_ \--Your Arms Feel Like Home

For the first time in five years, Cas could see Dean looking back at him. He had almost forgotten how it was to see somebody looking back at him through the hazel eyes. “You’re him,” he said, not meaning the one who walked around with Dean’s face. He meant the one who held Dean’s soul.  
When they drove to where they would face off with Lucifer, he tossed back several more pills. Because he knew that what he saw today would hurt Dean, his Dean. Might even break him. Again. And even if it didn’t, either way, he would be losing him again.  
They got there early. Cas turned to Dean. “Dean,” he said. The other man looked at him, and seeing him killed Cas and brought him to life a thousand times in an instant.  
“Yeah?” Dean asked after a minute of silence.  
Cas looked away. “Just…” There was so much he wanted to say, before whatever happened tonight happened. But there were no words to say it. “Can you just hold me for a minute?” he asked softly.  
Dean moved over closer to him, putting his arms around Cas and leaning against the former angel. “Whatever happens,” he whispered, “it’ll be okay.”  
Cas didn’t say anything. For right now, while he was in his Dean’s arms, it was okay.


	10. Away From The Sun

_"It’s down to this  
I’ve got to make my life make sense  
Can anyone tell what I’ve done"_ \--Away From The Sun

Dean stopped when he saw the past him and Castiel, holding each other in the car.  
Hours later, the devil, wearing his brother’s body, held him down, ready to break his neck. His past self appeared, and he looked at him, looking at who he had been and realizing just what he had become. He closed his eyes, waiting for it to end…waiting in anticipation.  
But the killing blow didn’t come. When he opened his eyes again, Lucifer and his past self were both gone.  
He closed his eyes again, choking on a sob. Sam—Lucifer, but he couldn’t stop thinking of him as Sam—had been ready to kill him. He had truly failed his brother.  
“Dean!” Suddenly, Castiel was there. Dean opened his eyes to see the former angel looking down at him. For the first time in a long time, Dean wanted nothing more than for the other man to stay, to never leave, to hold him until the world ended—or longer.  
“You okay?” Castiel asked. His voice was emotionless, as though he were speaking to anyone, not to Dean, not to his lover, his friend. But it had been years since they had been that, so perhaps it was appropriate.  
Dean started to nod, but he realized he was shaking his head. “My brother tried to kill me,” he said. The sob slipped out, and tears began to fall from his eyes for the first time in many, many years. “No. I’m not okay.”  
Castiel looked stunned and uncertain. It had been a long time since he had seen any sign of emotion from the other man. He admitted that he had begun to think there was no humanity left.  
“Cas?” Dean’s voice broke in that word. “Promise me something? Promise me you won’t leave? Because I don’t think I can stand losing anyone else that I…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.  
He didn’t need to. Castiel took the man’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “I promise.”


End file.
